Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
