i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
