I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
