Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
