I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
