Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize