I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Come see our sink grown plant.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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