yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
