Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
