I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize