the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
