Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize