Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
