i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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