Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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