i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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