the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
