My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
