This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
