we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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