i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
