you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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