New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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