He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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