He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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