we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
