drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
