and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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