please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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