if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
