we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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