My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
