Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
