i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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