i permit you to call me
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
