I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
