So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
