I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize