dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
