nut hugger
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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