the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
