Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
