Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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