Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
