Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
