Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
