Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
