I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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