i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud š³
I swear to God if you start calling your dick āmy pegasusā weāre not friends anymore
Itās just hard to believe you really care about me when u havenāt touched my dick in 2 months
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
