i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
