I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize