Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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