the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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