There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
