I'm really into asian looking animals
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize