I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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