so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize