Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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