Welp...herpes.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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