I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
