you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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