i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
