i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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