I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
