Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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