im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
